Daily Archives: 2015/04/09
I will admit, I’ve fallen in love only twice.
Once, with my best friend. And yes, forever ruining that friendship. It was hard to learn the fine line between “friendship” and “love”. At the time, I saw some signals, and I went for it — head first, and made it “special”. It was impulsive and dare I say, “stupid”. But I learned a lot from that experience. It was terrible when I was going through it, but afterwards, the things I learned from it were important in preparing me for future relationships, whether romantic or not.
The second, was with someone I believed to be perfect. Yes, she was and still is perfect in my eyes. Of course, realistically speaking, no one is perfect, but I do see that it is her imperfection that makes her perfect. She never treated me any less than I deserve. I, however, have treated her less than she deserved. I truly regret that. When I abandoned her several years ago, it felt like something in me died as well.
I don’t think I can fall in love with someone exactly like me. I don’t think I can find anyone who is exactly like me. I know myself very well. I know who I am and what I am. I know who I want to be. I’m already the person I wanted to be. I have my own character and I intended to stick to it. Of course, there’s always room for growth, but I am my own tree, perfect in its imperfection. I know I’m different from other trees in this jungle called life. And I’m proud of it.
I was born with an incredible desire to love and an incredible passion to give it. My life so far has taught me that hurt in the past never held me back from loving someone truly, madly and deeply. I love from the depth of my soul. The moment I open the door of my heart to anyone, they’d see all of me, heart and soul. I give them my all. And that’s why “forever” is a notion not impalpable to me. And from where I’m standing, if I follow the observable pattern, I think I just love harder and harder each time I fall in love.
And yes, I’ve learnt that the person who truly cares about me is the one I hurt, and the one who hurt me is the one I need the most.
Love is indeed just a concept. A lexicon. I give LOVE meaning.