“The people at my school are so accepting and so supportive – they accept me exactly as I am. It’s a scary thing when you first come out and tell people you’re transgender, but everyone has been great. My friends at school have helped me to live an authentic life, to be who I am.” -Maka Brown, 18 (dailymail.co.uk)
It’s heart-warming when you read something like this in the news. Acceptance: that’s all we want.
Acceptance is not just accepting you as who you are. It’s a multi-layered thing – you’re accepting that the person is different from you, that you allow her freedom to be who and what she chooses, that she can love anybody she wants, that her flaws and faults are as important as her strengths and beauty, that her opinions and perspectives are of equal value to yours, and that she has equal rights as other humans. In short, allow her to be authentic about who and what she truly is.
Acceptance is easier said than done. Even for parents who proclaim to love their children unconditionally, often throw them out of the house upon learning of their homosexuality. That’s why there are homeless shelters for LGBT youths out there!
Don’t be discouraged, comrades! We must be able to live an authentic life as much as possible. Our orientation is part of us, as much as the colour of our skin. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
And so, we don’t choose to be LGBT, as much as we can’t choose the way we look and our biological family. When we fall in love, we fall in love because it feels right. Society can’t punish us for LOVE we can’t choose.
If you truly want to be able to love freely and unconditionally, I would suggest announcing the relationship to the world. That also means, you need to come out. Trust me, from my experience, no love can flourish in the closet. It needs the sun, wind and water. For it to live, it needs to be out of the closet. The emotional burden of carrying something like LOVE in your heart and soul while always being scared and anxious is not a way to live. In time, the LOVE will suffer. You will suffer. The relationship will suffer.
Of course, being out doesn’t mean you’d be happy all the time. All the variables that make a good relationship need to be there. If all the mechanics are there, any relationship can work. My parents had been married for 45 years before my father passed away. I would say it wasn’t a perfect marriage. I was there; I know! But all the mechanics were there, their personalities and characters made it work, and so, it survived. It went through a few rough storms, and as a child, it was painful to watch, but it survived.
Many LGBT couples have been together for double-digit years before they were allowed to marry in some countries. Most actually want to get married because it feels right. They don’t want anyone else to spend the rest of their lives with. So, marriage is the logical step up.
We need to accept ourselves first. We are all worthy of love. The most important LOVE of all is love for ourselves. It’s not an option. You need to have love for your own being before you can properly love another.